


Just Hold Me

by DeanmonandAngel



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Heavy Angst, M/M, Oneshot, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 07:10:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9061888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanmonandAngel/pseuds/DeanmonandAngel
Summary: Oneshot. The war with the old families comes to a conclusion and Simon doesn't realize how much he has to lose until it's too late. Canon divergence. Set just after Baz escapes from the Numpties.  Based partly on a post by otpprompts.tumblr.com, I can't find the specific prompt because I've been trying to write this for a while and I lost it. Anyway, I hope you like it. If you do, check out my tumblr (goodbyelife-hellosnowbaz.tumblr.com), sometimes I post little drabbles and stuff.





	

**Simon**

I can’t think (not that that was my specialty anyway). There's smoke everywhere, I can't breathe and I can't see. It smells like death, it looks like death. I'm in the courtyard, there are so many bodies. My grief for my classmates is clouded out by my anger and my desperation to find Penny (and Baz). 

I don't see him, part of me hopes I won’t. Part of me hopes he's somewhere safe. I know that I shouldn't care, he wants to kill me. He hates me, I know that. But I still can't shake the feeling of dread that settles in my stomach when I think of him in danger.  

When I do see him, my stomach drops. He looks a wreck. He’s more pale than I’ve ever seen him, he looks dead (more than usual, really, properly dead). I don't know where he's been this whole time, I haven't seen him since school started. I want to tell him about his mom. I want to end this,  _ I don't want to hurt him _ .  

His steps are careful and calculated. He's looking at me, there's something different in his eyes. I can't tell what it is, but I want to pull him away from this, to shake him until he tells me where he's been and why he looks so sick and why he's limping. I want to make him tell me if he's okay. 

I don't get the chance.  

**Baz**

I can tell that it's going to kill me, the second that the sword goes through me. I know that I'll die. And I can’t help but think:  _ I might be a little human after all. _

**Simon**

Baz falls to his knees, the tip of a sword jutting out from his stomach. The mage stands behind him, a grim smile held on his face. 

Blood pools from his stomach, his hands are gripping the wound. I rush to him, bending down.  

"Baz," I manage, my voice breaking.  

"Simon," The mage grabs my shoulder, eyeing Baz like he'll jump at him. Like he'll be able to attack him now. "We're going to win, look at them," He gestures to the carnage, he’s still smiling.   

"We have to help him," I push the mage away. My attention on Baz, "He's going to die, we have to save him! Heal him, use a spell!" 

"No Simon," The mage mutters, trying to pull me away. "Leave him-" 

"No!" I scream, pushing him with one hand. " **Get the fuck away!** " I shout, my words coated with magic. His face falls slack, he moves away almost mindlessly.  

"Baz," I turn back, he looks worse than ever. His pale face has reached a color I've never seen before, even on him. "You'll be okay, you're a vampire. It's not a stake, it's just a sword. And, and you'll be fine." 

Baz smiles, his lips just turning up at the edges. "Simon, I don't think that’s how this works," His eyes just flit up to my face, his blood surrounds us now. He pauses, something on the tip of his tongue, trying to escape. "Can you, can you just hold me?" 

His request surprises me, I always thought he hated me (I thought I hated him). Maybe he still does, maybe he’s just trying to take me with him. I don’t care, all I can do is nod wordlessly, feeling the tears dripping down my face. Everything else is numb.  

I get on my knees next to him, his blood soaks through the legs of my pants (how can someone who needs to drink blood have so much of his own?). I put my arms around him and pull his head into my neck, his head dips into me.  

"Come on, Baz. Stay awake, someone will come. Someone who can save you." I choke out, gently stroking his hair (Afraid of hurting him? Afraid of breaking him?). This feels so right, how did we ever fight like we did? 

"Love, if the greatest mage the world has ever seen can't save me, who can?" Baz's words come out soft, I can tell it's taking everything he has just to say anything at all.  

Did he just call me love? "I thought you hated me." 

"Simon Snow,” It’s almost a chuckle, “I only hated that I could never have you," His head dips onto my shoulder again, he’s slipping, and I’m trying so hard not to let him.  

"You have me, Baz," I insist, and I know it's true. I'd do anything for him. I don't know when it happened, but I fell in love with Baz Pitch. "You're going to live and then we'll get a flat together and we’ll annoy the hell out of each other, but I love you Baz. I love you." 

He doesn't move. I can't feel his breathing. I don’t think it's possible to live with this much pain. It's bright and I can't see and the whole world feels hot and burning. It smells like magic and pain and Baz. I don't think I'm going to survive this one. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to go with the head-cannon that Baz can be killed with mundane weapons like swords, but it's not canon one way or the other (right?). Oh yeah, also, sorry. ;)


End file.
